Is forgiveness the secret to a successful marriage?


All couples fight, cry, sometimes break up and come back together yet again. This pattern is usually the same as many couples struggle to cope up with their relationship. Due to imbalances in a relationship, different opinions and preferences, couples end up disagreeing almost every other day. Thus, frequent fights just spring up out of nowhere. Whether it’s because they ended up going somewhere without their partner or ate their ice-cream, fights can be so spontaneous, that it’s hard to predict.

Sometimes, just waiting for the fight to get over seems like the only option left. Even if you hardly agree with what the other person is saying, you stay quiet and agree.

Why? because you don’t want to end up losing the person.

People say fighting is healthy for a relationship. It only bonds you stronger and for the better. These pre-conceived notions can be true for some and can be devastating for others. Fights are not always sweet, they become bitter if not treated later with care and love. The saying that fighting is healthy, is overrated and also the saying that forgiveness is the best solution left, is delusional.

Many would argue at this point that without forgiveness, a relationship cant stand, ever. One always has to compromise and forgive to stay in a long-lasting relationship But does it always come a the expense of your happiness?

Studies suggest that forgiveness indeed is the secret to a healthy relationship. Couples who practise forgiveness are said to live a happier and healthier relationship. It is true because forgiveness allows guilty people to revitalise themselves and be guilty of their actions. Words once uttered, can cut very deeply and it hurts, greatly. But forgiveness comes right after for those who fear to let go of the relationship. It’s all good until it is unbalanced.

Even forgiveness requires balance.

You can’t commit the same mistake numerous times and expect your partner to forgive every single time. It takes courage and guts to heal a broken heart, smeared with hurtful words and actions. But still, your partner somehow forgives you because, at the end of the day, love wins over everything.

If you don’t do the same for your partner, then that’s an imbalance in forgiveness. Your partner can also make mistakes and so, you should also be able to forgive them. If it doesn’t work vice versa, then resentment and bitterness also enter the equation. Even if you feel that it’s hard to let their mistakes go, then think about the times they also sacrificed their ego to forgive you. However, this only works if the mistake is small, maybe like, telling a few white lies or forgetting to pick them up from the office. The human heart is fragile and your partner may feel hurt even at the smallest of mistakes and that’s completely alright.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to accept or approve of the mistake. The best part about this is that forgiving doesn’t mean anything else. For example, you forgave your partner, but you still don’t approve of the mistake. You saying that “I forgive you” doesn’t require any further explanations since forgiveness is wholesome in itself. You don’t have to look left or right, you simply forgive.

Don’t let forgiveness lead to toxicity.

It takes time to forgive a mistake. But what can be immensely painful is that your partner doesn’t pay heed towards penance and correcting the mistake. Every single time they disappoint you, you end up nodding your head or simply, start talking to them again, as a sign of forgiveness. They may take it for granted and end up committing it again.

They have this thought etched in their mind,
no matter how many mistakes I make, my loved one will always forgive me. This thought itself is the start of a relationship that’s bound to crumble bit by bit. People mistake forgiveness for taking for granted and that it one of the biggest mistakes they can make, unworthy of forgiveness.

In addition to this, even if your partner is all towards forgiving you, beating yourself up because of the guilt will do no good. Your conscience may plead guilty and you just can’t seem to forgive yourself, that is natural. But, you need to speak about this to your partner as soon as possible. Researchers concluded that ‘pseudo-self-forgiveness’ can internally destroy your mind and your relationship too. Instead of delivering real-time benefits, it shatters the very foundation of a relationship-understanding.

A healthy self-forgiveness is where the individual takes responsibility for their actions, recognises their effort and works relentlessly to pay back for their faults. This can be really benefiting for a relationship as this not only improves self-understanding but also strengthens the fundamental values of the relationship on which it was built.

Lastly, let go of competitive goals in fights

You may have goals that your partner may fail to recognise and thus fight about glaring differences. In times like these, work together to attain a cooperative goal instead of a competitive one. If you want to win the argument instead of coming to a satisfactory conclusion with your partner, you’re playing a big part in ruining the relationship. Winning an argument shouldn’t be the goal, getting back together should be the aim. Or else, you’ll just win the battle, but lose the war.

Relationships make us strong, yet so vulnerable. If forgiving small mistakes as a couple can strengthen your bond, then believe in it. But, tormenting our conscience into forgiving a huge blunder or fault can be really stressful and exhausting. Love is surely complicated but if you are determined to spend moments and life with your partner for the long-term then, forgiving can make you happier. It’ll be the secret to your successful relationship or marriage.


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